Have you ever thought about inviting someone over, then immediately started thinking about everything you’d need to do first?
The kitchen needs cleaning. You should probably pick up something for lunch. The bathroom could use some attention, and when was the last time you dusted that bookshelf? Before you know it, having a friend over for coffee has somehow turned into a Saturday’s worth of housework.
So you decide to do it another time.
I’ve certainly been there.
It’s funny how easily something as simple as spending time with someone can become another thing on the to-do list. We want people to feel welcome. We want to have something nice to offer them. And sometimes we get so caught up in preparing for the visit that the visit itself never happens.
But what if we didn’t make it quite so complicated?
It Doesn’t Have to Be an Event
Think about some of the best times you’ve spent with people you love. How many of them involved anything particularly special?
Maybe you sat at someone’s kitchen table talking long after the coffee went cold. Maybe you went for a walk and ended up talking about things you hadn’t thought about in years. Or maybe a friend stopped by for twenty minutes and somehow stayed for two hours.
Nobody planned anything remarkable. You were just together.
I think we sometimes forget how nice that can be.
Not every visit needs a meal, an activity, or even much of a plan. A friend can come along on a walk you were already taking. Someone can sit at the counter and keep you company while you finish dinner. You can meet for coffee without needing to make an afternoon of it.
There’s nothing wrong with planning a lovely gathering, of course. I enjoy those, too. But we shouldn’t have to wait for one to spend time with each other.
Sometimes it’s just nice to have someone to talk to on a Tuesday.
Make It Easy to Say Yes
One of the nicest things about a casual invitation is that it doesn’t ask much of either person.
“I’m going for a walk tomorrow morning. Want to come?”
That’s a little easier to fit into a busy week than trying to find a Saturday when everyone’s calendar is completely clear.
The same goes for grabbing coffee, wandering through a farmers market, or sitting outside for a bit while the weather is nice. You don’t have to come up with something exciting to do. You’re really just asking whether someone would like to spend a little time together.
And if they can’t make it, that’s okay.
We all have things going on. Work, family, appointments, responsibilities, and days when we’re simply tired. Someone saying no doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t want to see you. It might just mean Thursday isn’t a good day.
I’ve found it helps to make that part easy, too. No pressure, no hurt feelings, no need for anyone to explain their entire schedule.
And that goes both ways. Sometimes we’re the ones who need to say, “I’d love to, but not this week.”
There’s always room to try again.
Let the House Look Lived In
Can we talk about the house for a minute?
Because I suspect I’m not the only person who’s looked around and thought, Well, I can’t invite anyone over with it looking like this.
And sometimes it really does need a little attention. I’m not suggesting we abandon all standards of housekeeping. But there’s a difference between wanting your home to feel welcoming and believing it has to be spotless before anyone can walk through the door.
The laundry might not be folded. There might be dishes in the sink. You might have to move a stack of mail off the table so someone has somewhere to put their coffee.
That’s a pretty normal house.
And lunch? Sandwiches are fine. Leftovers are fine. Coffee and absolutely nothing else are fine, too.
We don’t have to spend the first ten minutes apologizing for everything we didn’t get done before someone arrived.
Most of the people who care about us aren’t coming over to inspect the baseboards.
They’re coming to see us.
Besides, there’s something nice about reaching the point in a friendship where nobody feels the need to put on a show. You can just open the door and be glad to see each other.
Start With What You’re Already Doing
If finding time to get together feels difficult, try thinking about the things you’re already planning to do.
Going to the park? Maybe someone would like to come along. Heading out for a walk? Send a quick message. Planning to sit outside with a cup of coffee? See if a neighbor feels like joining you.
It doesn’t have to take over the whole day.
Sometimes a half-hour visit is exactly what fits. Sometimes it’s a phone call while you’re folding laundry. And sometimes you start talking and realize two hours have gone by, the laundry is still sitting there, and you don’t particularly care.
Of course, not everyone lives close to their friends. Schedules can be complicated, and work, caregiving, transportation, health, and family responsibilities can make even a short visit difficult to arrange.
For some friendships, getting together takes planning. For others, a phone call or video chat is the easiest way to catch up.
That’s okay, too.
The point isn’t to become someone who constantly has people coming and going. It’s to find little ways to spend time together that work with the lives we’re actually living.
Don’t Wait for the Perfect Time
I wonder how many times we’ve thought, We really need to get together soon, and then watched another month go by.
I know I’ve done it.
We mean it when we say it. We really do want to see each other. But the weeks fill up, and there’s always something that needs our attention. Before long, the person we meant to call is still someone we mean to call.
Sometimes all it takes is sending the message while we’re thinking about them.
“Want to come over for coffee?”
“I’m heading out for a walk tomorrow. Feel like joining me?”
“Are you free sometime next week? I’d love to catch up.”
Nothing fancy. No big plans. Just an invitation.
Maybe it works out this week. Maybe it doesn’t. Either way, we’ve done something better than continuing to think about getting together someday.
We’ve asked.
And when someone says yes, we don’t have to turn it into a production.
Put the kettle on. Find another chair. Move that stack of mail if you need to.
And enjoy having someone there.
